Doggie Rattle: Baby toy or tiny terror? You decide!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Eau de Blaaaaarf
The baby just puked between the couch cushions. Again.
No wonder our house permanently smells like baby cheese.
No wonder our house permanently smells like baby cheese.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Slaggy X LIVE! (Pre-recorded)
Dun, dun, duuuuuun!
Here is Slaggy's worldwide premier in a little movie I call Infant Airplane: Playing Baby Roulette. In this particular instance, I did not lose at Baby Roulette (read: I did not end up with a mouthload of baby cheese).
But, we all know it's just a matter of time.
And yes, I do sound like an idiot in the video. My theory is that babies don't smile at your goofy noises, they smile at the ease in which they can turn you into a cooing doofus.
Here is Slaggy's worldwide premier in a little movie I call Infant Airplane: Playing Baby Roulette. In this particular instance, I did not lose at Baby Roulette (read: I did not end up with a mouthload of baby cheese).
But, we all know it's just a matter of time.
And yes, I do sound like an idiot in the video. My theory is that babies don't smile at your goofy noises, they smile at the ease in which they can turn you into a cooing doofus.
Oops...
Yesterday, I made a day trip without the boy while baby daddy watched little Slaggy. Since I wasn't going to be SM3's primary food source for several hours, and because I was required to be semi-coherent after a sleep deprived night, I indulged in an obscene amount of caffeine.
Apparently, I severely under-estimated the amount of time required for my body to fully process this caffeine and I inadvertently fed the baby a late night knocker latte which resulted in a) a nearly sleepless night and 2) I'm so tired I forget.
Oops.
Apparently, I severely under-estimated the amount of time required for my body to fully process this caffeine and I inadvertently fed the baby a late night knocker latte which resulted in a) a nearly sleepless night and 2) I'm so tired I forget.
Oops.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Note to self...
Do NOT put a freshly fed baby on top of a nice clean pile of laundry. Alright, off to redo some laundry...
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Yarrrrrr!
To hell with teaching the little Slaggy X III things like "talking" or "using the bathroom." I mean, really, when will those things ever come in handy in real life?
A sweet pirate impression, on the other hand (hook?), can really get you places!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Constant Vigilance: It's pointless.
I just got firehosed. Again.
For those of you not in the know, being "firehosed" is the result of the following actions:
1. Having a baby boy.
2. Baby boy destroying his diaper, thereby requiring a swift costume change.
3. Opening up his nice, warm, and incredibly goopy diaper to the cool air.
4. Cool air gracing his baby boy junk.
5. Baby boy deciding that cool air on his junk means, "PEE! NOW! EVERYWHERE*!"
*Everywhere includes, but is not limited to: Your face, his face, the dog's face, the wall, the ceiling, the ceiling of another room, the outfit he is wearing and, most definitely, the outfit you were going to change him in to.
Baby Daddy hasn't been firehosed yet. He thinks this is because he's much more vigilant than I when it comes to covering the baby wang. I think this is because he's been lucky.
"You've got to use the washcloth," he says.
"I do," I say.
"It's all about constant vigilance," he says.
"That's impossible. There is always a moment of vulnerability," I say.
"Constant vigilance," he says.
"You just wait. Karma is so going to kick your ass," I say.
This is when Slaggy X III interjects with a knowing smile followed by, "PPBBBBBLLLLLPPPPBBBBBLLLLL." And because he's a baby with few words and much to say, he emphasized his comment by exploding it out of his diaper, through his pants, and all over Baby Daddy's shirt.
"Constant vigilance," I say.
Lesson learned: Beware of this face.
For those of you not in the know, being "firehosed" is the result of the following actions:
1. Having a baby boy.
2. Baby boy destroying his diaper, thereby requiring a swift costume change.
3. Opening up his nice, warm, and incredibly goopy diaper to the cool air.
4. Cool air gracing his baby boy junk.
5. Baby boy deciding that cool air on his junk means, "PEE! NOW! EVERYWHERE*!"
*Everywhere includes, but is not limited to: Your face, his face, the dog's face, the wall, the ceiling, the ceiling of another room, the outfit he is wearing and, most definitely, the outfit you were going to change him in to.
Baby Daddy hasn't been firehosed yet. He thinks this is because he's much more vigilant than I when it comes to covering the baby wang. I think this is because he's been lucky.
"You've got to use the washcloth," he says.
"I do," I say.
"It's all about constant vigilance," he says.
"That's impossible. There is always a moment of vulnerability," I say.
"Constant vigilance," he says.
"You just wait. Karma is so going to kick your ass," I say.
This is when Slaggy X III interjects with a knowing smile followed by, "PPBBBBBLLLLLPPPPBBBBBLLLLL." And because he's a baby with few words and much to say, he emphasized his comment by exploding it out of his diaper, through his pants, and all over Baby Daddy's shirt.
"Constant vigilance," I say.
Lesson learned: Beware of this face.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
74 Hours...
Guest post from the new dad:
Momzilla is feeling good and has energy that comes in spurts. She even ventured out to the momma and baby store for some mean deals on momma and baby stuff.
Slaggy X III is 3 days old now. He makes smacking kisses when he’s hungry, smiles before he farts, and can’t get enough of the sacred milkjugs. I think he likes the Talking Heads. And farting.
Weapon X prepares to blow off some steam
The Hound and Cat-dog (or is that Dog-cat?) have adjusted nicely. The Hound seems to know that he has a new little buddy to watch out for.
The napping is world class.
Being a dad is awesome. There’s tons more to say, but awesome pretty much sums it up.
Thanks for all of the well-wishes.
Momzilla is feeling good and has energy that comes in spurts. She even ventured out to the momma and baby store for some mean deals on momma and baby stuff.
Slaggy X III is 3 days old now. He makes smacking kisses when he’s hungry, smiles before he farts, and can’t get enough of the sacred milkjugs. I think he likes the Talking Heads. And farting.
Weapon X prepares to blow off some steam
The Hound and Cat-dog (or is that Dog-cat?) have adjusted nicely. The Hound seems to know that he has a new little buddy to watch out for.
The napping is world class.
Being a dad is awesome. There’s tons more to say, but awesome pretty much sums it up.
Thanks for all of the well-wishes.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
BLADOW!
Slagathor has landed!
Launch began at about midnight on Friday, continued through a completely sleepless night, and ended at 7:55pm Saturday evening.
There were smiles. There were tears. And there was a big ass placenta. Oh, and there was a baby. This baby:
Weighing in at 7lbs 8oz and measuring a lanky 21 inches, Slaggy has arrived, complete with a mini-pompadour. We've nicknamed him Logan Xavier (Weapon X!), but we all know his real name will always be Slagathor Megatron, the Third.
Needless to say, we're all tired, healthy, and very very happy. It's time for us to do a little bit of sleeping and a lot of eating, but a full report on the entire adventure is forthcoming.
Until then...
Launch began at about midnight on Friday, continued through a completely sleepless night, and ended at 7:55pm Saturday evening.
There were smiles. There were tears. And there was a big ass placenta. Oh, and there was a baby. This baby:
Weighing in at 7lbs 8oz and measuring a lanky 21 inches, Slaggy has arrived, complete with a mini-pompadour. We've nicknamed him Logan Xavier (Weapon X!), but we all know his real name will always be Slagathor Megatron, the Third.
Needless to say, we're all tired, healthy, and very very happy. It's time for us to do a little bit of sleeping and a lot of eating, but a full report on the entire adventure is forthcoming.
Until then...
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